just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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