My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
