He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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