If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
