We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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