Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your penis caused this!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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