Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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