I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
