So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
