The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
