hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
