they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
