Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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