so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
