Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
