So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
