I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
