Christians are straight up FREAKS
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
