His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
