I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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