I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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