On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
