morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
