It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
