I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
