no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ruined the universe
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
