Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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