Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
