dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
