I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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