we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
