i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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