Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
