There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
third nipple confirmed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
