roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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