I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
