so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
