you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
