i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
