I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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