Do you still have your period?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
