Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
