the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
