And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
