don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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