So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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