dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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