If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
