ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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