its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
