We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
