I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
