Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
