Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
