I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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