you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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