Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
