Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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