He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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