My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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