Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
