just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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