did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my phone needs a breathalizer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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