Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
