There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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