Sorry, I don't speak sober.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
