i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
nutella sex= disaster
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
