so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
