i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
