Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
