Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
