I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
