"it" just moved
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
