He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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