Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
