At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
