you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
