She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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