I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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